Learning to learn: Part 2

For those of you who read my post last week about Graym locking himself in his car and my attempt to console him, I want to share with you another wonderful moment that took place in our relationship. For those of you who didn't read it, you should definitely go back, give it a look-over, and then come back to this post :)

On Saturday night, Graym and I had some time to ourselves and decided it would be a nice time to chat. One of the things that I love most about Graym is that, more often than not, he is the one to initiate deep and meaningful conversations. I think it's a common stereotype that guys need to be prodded with a jack hammer before opening up their hearts, so it's a nice change of pace to know that Graym is more than willing to share his thoughts and discuss tough topics. We took advantage of the time to talk about the post-car incident. To be more clear: my attempt to cheer Graym up. It was obvious that, try as hard as I did, I just didn't love Graym in the way that he needed that night. I loved him, yes, but in the way that I would've wanted to be loved if the roles were reversed. I was determined to learn him, to learn his needs and the best way that I can support him, and what better way to do that than to just...ask. 

"What did I do right? What didn't I do that you wish I had? What can I do next time to make sure I am there for you in every aspect that you need?"

A wonderful and enlightening conversation followed suit as he shared the emotions he was feeling that night and how I could love him better the next time he faces a bump in his day. It was such a joy to learn more about Grayms heart: the way he processing trying events, the way he copes, and the way he'd like for me to comfort him. 

It's so nice to know that every day is yet another opportunity to learn more about each other. I know that even after 100 years of marriage I won't be able to understand the entire complex and beautiful heart that Graym has, but boy, that sure is my goal! To love him, to serve him, and to learn him.

I can't wait to dive even deeper into the heart and mind of this man I am so crazy about ♥

No babies for us!! (yet...)

Graym and I love kids. We want to have a few of our own one day. But let's reflect on two key words: one day. As excited as we are to be parents and raise some of our own kiddos, I'd rather not bring home a bun in the oven as a honeymoon souvenir :)

So off we went to the lovely lady doctor this past Saturday to talk about our options. I was proud of Graym that he was so willing to come with me. And it turn out to be a fabulously amusing afternoon. Though I had talked to Graym about some of the different birth control options, neither of us had actually seen what some of these devices looked like. You could only imagine both of our faces when she brought a sample of one in. The first words out of my mouth? "That's HUGE!" Hahaha needless to say I did not choose that one and we couldn't stop laughing about it the rest of the afternoon.

So, alas, my journey to becoming a married woman has taken another step forward. But as long as we're baby-free for a couple years of marriage, I'm ok with that :)


Side note: Hopefully this isn't too revealing of a post. I'm sure some of you will think this was better left for the privacy of our relationship. I just figure if I'm going to write a blog about the road to becoming a married woman, I should be honest about the journey and not hide something that is going to play a very important role in our marriage. Don't worry though, I don't think I'll be writing any more about such "yucky" stuff :)

Learning to learn.

Every day that I am with Graym is a day to learn and grow. There is not a moment spent with him where I don't see a new part of his heart, understand a new aspect of his mind, or love more of his soul. These moments can be beautiful and uplifting, but sometimes they can be confusing and frustrating as I learn more and more that the way he thinks, loves, prays, speaks, reacts, and responds is often different than the way I do myself. Sometimes I feel helpless as I try to figure out the inner workings of his mind and discover the best way to love and serve him. 

See, as the future bride of Mr. Kasko it is my greatest desire to learn Graym. Not just to love him. Not just to make fun and exciting memories to share with our future kiddos. Not just to earn the title of "wife." I want to learn him. I want that every day I spend with him I ask myself, "What can I do today to be the loving, caring, and selfless woman that God created me to be for Graym? How can my actions, expressions, and words be used to demonstrate my love for him and my desire to give him everything he needs?" It's almost like I forever want to go to the University of Graym Kasko, but every time I complete one degree, there is another greater, longer, and more prestigious degree to be earned. Like with any academic institution, each consecutive degree requires a harder work ethic, involves more extensive research, runs into a few more road blocks, and takes a lot more time and energy to reach the finish line. But have you also noticed that with each higher degree the feeling of joy and sense of accomplishment you experience is magnified? You gain a greater and deeper understanding of the subject which you studied, learn the tools and resources needed to pursue the next degree in line, and are well-equipped and better prepared for the challenges ahead. Earning a degree reaps its own material and social rewards too, doesn't it? In this day and age the effort you put into a higher degree returns in the form of a wonderful job, a hearty salary, the respect and awe of your peers, and the luxuries of lavish living. 

However, in a relationship the rewards you receive aren't in the form of material things, financial stability, or self-wonder. When you take the time to learn your partner, to really learn them, you reap the beautiful reward of unrivaled oneness. "That is when a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body." -Genesis2:24. You and your spouse share in a unity where you can lay bare all your flaws, past mistakes, silly habits, and hidden secrets and received a grace-filled love in return. You experience the incredible beauty of sharing in a common goal, the immense joy of spiritual and sexual fulfillment, and a powerful love that leaves you wondering, "How on earth was I blessed with such a wonderful man?"

Now I know Graym and I aren't married yet and haven't achieved the unifying oneness that God designed for us and I just described, but I want that more than you could know. As a bride-to-be, my greatest desire is to do everything I can now to be the best wife that I can be then. With just under 9 months to go, I sure have a lot of preparing to do!

Last night God really opened my heart and reminded me of a new part of Graym that I need to learn. When bad things happen to us, I've noticed that Graym and I respond in two very different ways. My way of coping includes laughing it off, accepting that I can't do anything to change the situation that I'm currently in, and moving forward in the best way I can. Graym, on the other hand, reacts in a more serious manner. He looks at a situation realistically, faces it head-on, and can be greatly affected by the consequences. Neither one is good and the other bad. Neither one is right and the other wrong. It's just the way we have been so wonderfully designed. So when Graym calls me yesterday that he had locked himself out of his car (car running) and would therefore be late to work after paying a ridiculous fee, a clash in our personalities ensued. Graym was understandably upset. He didn't know what had happened for the car to lock behind him, and because of it the morning got off to a rough start. Who would want to dish out close to $200 for a man to open your car in less than 5 minutes? Graym surely didn't, and I could feel his frustration through the phone. I, on the other hand, couldn't help but be me and laugh at the situation. Getting locked out of your car (as I see it) is one of those silly parts of life and happens to each of us at least once. I remember one time I stop at Starbucks on my way in to work, and not only did I leave my keys locked in the car, but I managed to leave the car running, lock myself out, and grab a cup of coffee before realizing what I had done. A long wait and hefty fine later I was on my way and simply chuckled at how ridiculous I was for even letting that happen (I left a car running in the parking lot...who does that? :P)

When we talked about what had happened later that night, I tried my best to cheer Graym up. I told him what I would've told myself: not to worry, it's a part of life, and don't let it get to you. Though I'm sure he appreciated the sentiment, he didn't seem too pleased with my playful attitude to this big dent in his finances and day. It was then that I realized that this was a part of Graym that I need to learn. Graym and I took the mornings events and looked at it through two different lenses. We saw things different, and that's o.k., but because I didn't take the time to take a peek from his view, to understand his emotions and the burdens that this put on his day, I spoke to him in the way that I would've liked and not in the way that he needed. I couldn't give him the comfort and support he desired. Realizing this was tough on my heart. I spent the greater part of last night praying and asking God what I could have done or said differently to be there for Graym. I prayed that I could be like the Proverbs 31 women, who "opens her mouth in wisdom and on her tongue is kindly counsel" (Prov31:26). I prayed that I could learn Graym.

This might seem like a silly thing to write so much about. Who knew that your fiance locking himself out of his car could result in such a lengthy, deep post? :) But in all seriousness and with all my heart I want to learn Graym. I want to be able to love, support, encourage, and carry him through every situation no matter how big or small. It's going to take time, it's going to take work, but I'm determined to earn that degree and every one after it. 

Our first Christmas tree...

...is pretty much gonna be the sweetest tree in the history of awesome trees. Yup, that's right. The sweetest, most wicked awesome, totally rocking Christmas tree of all time. Of all the things that I am excited about marriage, decorating for our first Christmas together is a close contender for #1 spot. Ok, so maybe it's not the first item on the list, but it sure is up there. I LOVE Christmas. Everything about it! The smell of fresh cookies, hot cocoa by a fire, snowy footprints (if it ever gets cold enough in this stinkin' state!), remembering the birth of our Savior, Christmas carols, and the sweet joy of giving; it all brings a huge smile to my face. I already have lots of plans for our make-believe apartment and lemme tell ya, it looks pretty darn schnazzy in there. I'm so thankful that our first Christmas is only a few short months after our wedding because I'm not sure I'd be able to hold back my excitement much longer. We might've had Christmas in July if we got married any earlier in 2012. I think I'll be able to control myself for the time being, though. Graym is a little concerned that we'll go broke because of my holiday ventures, but I told him not to worry. The dollar store is pretty much my BFF and I'm gonna shop that place empty. Gosh, this Christmas hasn't even passed and I'm already excited for next year!

B.t.dubs, this post was brought on because my mama bought me a darling lil Christmas tree to decorate my office with and I'm currently obsessed with how cute it is. I can't WAIT til I have a super sized tree to call my our own ;)

My uber cute tree :D :D :D

Spencer Kasko is currently in the lead for favorite future brother-in-law.

Ok, ok. I'm just kidding! I love all of the Graym's brothers the same! They all have their own wonderful and quirky personalities. Spence's talents were just particularly useful this past weekend. I'm sure Sky's juggling and Jordy's insane music knowledge will come in handy one day ;) (wedding entertainment, perhaps?).

On Friday Graym and I made our way down to his mom's house in MD to spend the day with the family and take some engagement pictures. I always knew Spence enjoyed photography and had some pretty sweet camera equipment, but it wasn't until we visited his college this past February that I really got to see his talent. Splashed on his wall were various photos of people and places that took my breath away! They were gorgeous, and so as soon as Graym and I got engaged I knew I wanted him to take our engagement photos.

We weren't disappointed! The three of us had a blast at Gilbert Run Park, a park close to where Mama Kasko lives. Graym and I just laughed and did our best to be cute as Spence snapped photo after photo. At the end he said he took over 1,000 pictures!! I guess we must be REALLY cute! :P 

A few days after, Spence sent us a link with a few of his favorite pictures and Graym and I were beyond please. They came out great! Spence did an awesome job of catching moments of joy, laughter, and love and we are so excited to have these in our future apartment. I also know who I will be calling for any future photo ops I need ;)

I posted the best one's on facebook, but if you'd like to check out a few other silly, awkward, and cute ones, check out this link! http://www.flickr.com/photos/68730063@N06/sets/72157628217150065/

Happy belated Thanksgiving! Moments to be thankful for

Though this message is late thanks to a week filled with laughter and delicious food, it is truly heart-felt. This past year has been filled with many, many wonderful things for which I am truly grateful. I have been beyond blessed to have successfully completed my education, obtain a good job that pays beyond what I could've imagined, become the future bride of an incredible man, and be surrounded by the love, guidance, and support of family and friends. Graym and I's engagement has been exciting and special thanks to those we love and are loved by. Thank you, all, for all your contributions, large and small. :)

One moment I was especially thankful for this Thanksgiving week was Graym and I's first "marriage counseling" session. I put that in quotes because though our counseling sessions haven't officially started, we were both incredibly blessed by the wisdom and guidance we received that evening. Though we were prepared to sit down with Aunt Beth and Uncle Coty (Graym's uncle and our officiant) to discuss marriage counseling with them, we never expected to be joined to by five beautiful married couples in Graym's family. Needless to say, it was a night to be remembered.

We were surrounded by couples that varied in the length of their marriage promise: from Thomas and Kay, who have been married just under a year, to Grammie and Bapa who have had over 60 years of love and happiness. Aunt Beth and Uncle Coty simply stated that they wanted us to receive helpful tips, advice, and prayer from these married couples and opened the floor to an evening of insight. Everyone shared a piece of their heart, from the wonderful moments in their marriages, the mistakes that lead them to becoming a better husband and wife, the things that they learned and were passing on, and the hardships that they themselves wish they had been advised about. Graym and I just listened, holding hands, feeling the intimacy that filled the room.

We were truly blessed that night and ended the evening much more humbled than we started it. We learned so much and are even more excited to start our life together and apply our wonderful advice. My goal as a wife is to love Graym in the way the he deserves, the way that God created him to be loved, and in the way that God loves him. Surrounded by beautiful and godly wife's like Aunt Beth, Kay, and Grammie whom I can turn to for direction, prayer, and encouragement, I have no doubt that I can do that :)